Ordering Life

The other day we visited the Congregation of Holy Cross at Moreau Seminary in South Bend, Indiana. I knew very little about this religious order prior to our visit, but within minutes of stepping foot into the seminary a certain peace came over me.

Simplicity, order, prayer, education, charity. These are all things that I could see very clearly about this group of men from just a one day visit. And all these things struck a chord somewhere inside me, as they all draw one closer to God.

The day we were visiting happened to be the feast of St. Clare. She is known for her complete love of God that was expressed in her giving up all she ever had to gain the singularly most precious thing of all -- Christ. She desired nothing more than to know and love Christ. What a beautiful soul she had. From her love of God flowed an entire religious order and way of life, that of the Poor Clares.

One thing that most religious communities share in common is an ordered or structured way of life to some extent.  There seems to be something about an orderly life that reflects something of God. Whether the Poor Clares, the Congregation of Holy Cross, the Benedictines, or any other community. An orderly life is deliberately established in order to bring a sense of peace and freedom from confusion to day to day tasks. This allows more time to be given to doing what is important and less time spent trying to figure out what to do.

Most people these days recognize the benefit of order in their lives, thus the thriving industry of day planners and personal organizers. Life flows from organization. This can be seen from the beginning. God created life in a very orderly way over the course of six days. And human life is very much ordered in cycles, seasons, and periods of life. A baby grows in the womb for 40 weeks. We are over the hill at 40 years (joke). The Church also recognizes the value of order as laid out by God. And so we celebrate seasons for certain periods of time and holy days on an annual cycle.

Another reality is how sin and chaos work to draw us out of order. Busyness and or laziness (two extremes) can easily throw us out of our patterns of life or helpful daily routines. Sinful or bad habits also throw confusion and frustration into other parts of our lives. Confession is especially helpful in this area. It helps us to get right with God and others and to head off the corrosive effects of sin before they start to affect other parts of our lives or lives of those around us.

As my wife and I were leaving the seminary, we both remarked that we though it would be nice to have the kind of order in our lives that we saw among the men in the Congregation of Holy Cross. Well, I do think there are some things we can probably do in our marriage to establish more order. But we also have to remember that order in our family may look different from order in a religious community. Regardless, it could probably benefit all of us and society as a whole if we slowed down for a little bit, got back to basics, and consciously chose to live a more simple and orderly existence.

The Big Snip

Well, that's good for us. Thanks for a daughter God. I think that's all we need so we're gonna call it quits with kids now.

This is not an uncommon train of thought these days. But how well considered is it? How much thought do people really put into it?

I'm gonna subtly get right to the point. Vasectomies are WRONG! Tubal ligations are WRONG! Contraception is WRONG! I hope it is now clear for those of us that didn't know. It is actually very surprising how many people don't know now-a-days. I'm sure most of us know of someone that had a procedure to prevent children and doesn't think there's any problem with it.  Well, part of the issue is lack of education, and the other part is false indoctrination by the mass media. You know, if the New York Times makes it seem like everyone is getting their tubes tied, then it must be okay. Right?

First of all, we need to remind ourselves that children are not a disease. We have procedures to prevent or treat diseases, not children. Please. Vasectomies and tubal ligations are a form of self mutilation. Remember, children are NOT a disease! Would you have your right hand surgically removed to prevent having any more children? No. Of course not. So why would you have your organs detached?

Second, let's take a good look at this issue and ask some real good questions. Does God think it is okay to get the big snip? Okay now, God created Man and Woman to become one in the conjugal act. Sex is meant to be the complete self-gift of one person in love to another within the bond of marriage. If one of the persons in the relationship is not fully giving of themselves then a gap remains. An emptiness remains. The bridge of complete communion from one person to another has not been crossed. It is at this point that sex becomes what it is to popular culture, an instrument for pleasure with the pleasure being the end in itself. And when pleasure is the end, then sex becomes a self-getting act as opposed to a self-giving act. If sex is now just a self-getting act then the person you are getting from becomes no more than an object for selfish use. Thus marriage has ceased to be an image of God's love for us. Because God only gives, he doesn't use us to "get" what he wants.

Another way to look at this would be to think about God's intended end in marital love. Children. New life. God is life and God gives life. And through God's giving of his life (i.e. Christ on the cross) love is born. Or visa versa, "For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life." (John 3:16) God's act of love gives life. And in the same way God created us to bring forth life through the complete self-giving love of marriage. If we aren't open to the gift of life then we aren't really giving the gift of love. And once again sex becomes an empty selfish, self-serving act.

How about we try one more time. I mean, after all it doesn't specifically say in the Bible that contraception is wrong. You are correct! And it also doesn't say that God gave us brains, but we know he did, so let's use them to see what else God "didn't" say. Now, he did say, "You shall not kill." (Ex. 20:13) But what isn't God saying here? For every negative command of the 10 Commandments, there is a positive side that God ultimately desires for us to embrace, but because of the hardness of our hearts and heads, he had to just tell us what NOT to do, like little children. What God was intending with this command is that we do the opposite of kill -- give LIFE.

When a man and woman give completely of themselves to each other within marriage, new live is created. Not only in the form of a child, but in their relationship with each other and with others, and in the world. You want to know why the culture of death is so strong in our world and why 50% or more of marriages are ending in divorce? Contraception. Think about it. Married couples not REALLY loving each other and millions of children not being born. If spouses in a marriage become objects to each other, then what is to stop one of them from finding a more pleasurable object somewhere else?

Closing thoughts. Among couples using Natural Family Planning (NFP) the divorce rate is below 5%. This is because when used properly it encourages an openness to LIFE. I also must say that it is remarkable how a little baby can bring so much joy and renewed life to a family. I have never seen anything else like it.

For more information on the above topic please visit the following resources:
Undoing the Wrong that Threatens Marriage
Contraception: Why Not?  by Janet Smith
The Hurtful Consequences of Artificial Contraception and Sterilization: Three Personal Testimonies

Summer of Children

We are almost half way through summer now. So I had to take a break and reflect a bit on this most splendid of seasons. It is sad at times how fast time goes by as we get older. I know God has his plan and his purposes, but it is hard not to recall with delight the seemingly endless summers of childhood.

Whether it was the carefree timelessness or just so many years being ahead of me still, time just seemed to take longer when I was younger. Everything lasted longer. Pop-sickles lasted longer. Car rides lasted longer. Even sunsets seemed to last longer. I wonder why that was? Regardless, it is something I never appreciated as much as I do now.

As a child, long days and warm weather meant much activity and many an adventure. Exploring in the woods, pretending they were ancient burial grounds. Catching frogs, turtles, crayfish, mice, worms, bugs, and of course fireflies. Running through vast fields. Climbing trees. Getting poison ivy. Collecting "rare" stones that I imagined were precious jewels. Picking vegetables from the garden and peaches from fruit stands. Jumping in mud puddles on rainy mornings. Building forts. Sun brewed iced tea. Collecting and trading baseball cards. Spotting dragon shaped clouds. Flying kites. Catching fly balls and hitting a homer. Dairy Queen. Every fish I caught seemed huge, and the really big ones were scary. Playing make-believe. Running so fast that I was on the verge of flying. Mid-day naps. And of course, watching the sun set. All in a good summer's day.

It is hard to not ask, "What happened?" Where did time go? Where did all these burdens, cares, sufferings, and anxieties come from? What changed?

I don't have all the answers, but I sure can see that children just "get" life.  And as we get older, we just "forget" life. Jesus reminds us of the special gift in being like a child. "And calling to him a child, he put him in the midst of them, and said, 'Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Whoever humbles himself like this child, he is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.'" (Matt. 18:2-4)

As the days get shorter and night once again get longer, I long for the summers of years past. For lemonade and hooking lilly pads instead of bass. For dreams of far off expeditions and hand picked raspberries. There is something good about the care-free spirits of children that have yet to be weighed down by the burdens of life. And there is something good about that part of us that longs for endless days and eternal joy.

"And the city has no need of sun or moon to shine upon it, for the glory of God is its light, and its lamp is the Lamb. By its light shall the nations walk; and the kings of the earth shall bring their glory into it, and its gates shall never be shut by day -- and there shall be no night there." (Rev. 21:23-25)

YES!

Yesterday I received a birthday card from my brother-in-law that got me thinking. He wrote in thanksgiving that if it weren't for my and my wife's birthdays he never would have met our daughter. As I thought about it, it occurred to me how thankful I am that my mother decided to give me life, so that I could have a birthday. What seems like such a simple thing that I always take for granted is the fact that my mom didn't need to say "yes" to allowing me to be born. What I see as one of the two greatest gifts I have ever received could have just as easily not been given should my mother chosen not to give it.

The second of the greatest gifts I've ever been offered being eternal life, just as easily could not have been given had our Blessed Mother not said "yes" to being the mother of Jesus. Wow! What an incredible idea to process. I mean, God wouldn't make someone say yes after all. Would He? Isn't love given out of a freely made choice to give it. And Jesus being love itself means that Mary's yes was the most freely made choice for life ever made by one of God's creation. Why would God make a human do something that in and of itself goes against his very nature? How incredibly beautiful was the consent of Mary, the humble handmaid of the Lord. How amazing that God can bring something so wonderful as Life from the simple "yes" of parents in their openness to life!

Thanks Mom and thanks Blessed Mother.

49,551,703 (NRLC)

Yesterday, my wife and I happened to catch part of the TV show "Ghost Whisperer."  In this episode, Jennifer Love Hewitt's character was trying to help a family cope with the loss of their young daughter.  Before my wife and I had our first child (a beautiful little girl) just under two months ago, I never really thought about what it would really feel like for a parent to lose a child.  But last night it really hit me, how painful it must actually be.

As I often do (and have been doing much more lately), I had to reflect on how that human parent-child relationship is also seen in our child-parent relationship with God, because every relationship on earth is an image of a spiritual reality.

So what is it like for God to lose a child?  Does it matter that much to him?  I mean, after all, there are so many of us humans.  Well, Scripture tells us that it hurts him so bad that he decided to offer his only begotten Son (from all eternity) in exchange for us, his created sons and daughters.  A reasonable conclusion at this point, is that it pains God greatly to lose a child, even one.  Didn't Jesus tell a parable about leaving 99 sheep in order to search out one that was lost?

If the pain of losing one child can destroy lives and rip people apart emotionally, then how much worse is it for God?  And if losing one child is that bad, then how about losing more than 49,551,703 children before they even get to see the light of day?